Perfect Female Figures - Bodies To Die For
The go-to site for unusually titillating - yet always tasteful - photos of naked women, accompanied by thoughtfully untasteful captions that (we hope) heighten your viewing experience.
If you're tired of endlessly scrolling through mish-mash selections of questionable quality, and you want selections beyond the same boringly generic glam dolls, this site's for you. Better yet, just scroll to the bottom of this page and click on our archive, where you'll see our whole great collection laid out before you.
Think you have better taste than us? Submit a photo for evaluation, and we'll publish our critique.
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In the meantime, grab a kleenex box, uncork your flask of vaseline...and enjoy! And clean up after you're done.
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A slightly used older model, but she’s got a lot of mileage left in her.
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It’s been a long, draining day perfectfigure in your life as a stay-at-home husband.
You’re all set for the wife to come home and give you a break from the household chores when she emails you from work, saying she has to stay late at the office tonight for a deep, probing consultation with the branch manager.
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Life as a stay-at-home husband is positively sapping you perfectfigure.
No sooner do you return home from helping your overworked neighbor perfectfigure, when your nanny perfectfigure informs you that you’ve run out of milk for the baby. The nearest store is two miles away, and your wife has taken the car to work for the day.
But you’ve got it covered as you head out to the local park, on a rendezvous with the kindly neighborhood woman who donates her time toward helping desperate stay-at-home husbands running low on supplies of fresh unpasteurized.
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A stay-at-home husband’s work is never done.
You’ve been totally drained perfectfigure after spending all morning assisting your household staff perfectfigure. You’re all set for your afternoon nap when the overworked housewife next-door calls you up in a panic. Her laundry machine just broke, leaving her nothing to wear, and now, she needs to get her pipes cleaned. Can you come over and help?
Looks like you’ll be thoroughly fucked for the rest of the day.
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No one said that being a stay-at-home husband was easy.
You’ve just finished cumming up with a fresh batch of detergent perfectfigure for the cleaning lady, and now your Russian nanny informs you that you’ve run out of mayo, and she needs to prepare lunch.
Here she is now, hoping you’re up to the task of spreading a fresh batch on the buns.
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Oh, the travails of being a stay-at-home husband.
Your wife took the car to work, and now your Russian cleaning lady tells you that she can’t do the laundry because you’ve run out of Tide. Here she is now, inspiring you to cum up with a fresh batch of detergent.
You’ve just installed your new foolproof mail order Russian security system. All trespassers will be royally fucked.
fishnet kneeling on fours slender
You always pride yourself on your honesty. So when your wife demanded to know why you came home so late from your fishing trip, you had to tell her the truth:
"Some pussy got wrapped up in the fishnet, and I had to spend the night extracting her from it."
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Your finances are going down the toilet, and your wife suggests that you can no longer afford the hired help to take care of the new baby. But you’re convinced she’s just being unreasonable…and wasteful - because do you really need to throw out the hot Russian nanny with the bathwater?
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A new affordable way to perk up your wife’s droopy tits without splurging on surgery - turn the photo counter-clockwise.
New presidential candidate. Her slogan:
"If I milk the American people…feel free to milk me back.”
Her polling numbers may not be moving up, but erections certainly are.
american illustration magazine illustration 1950's suburban housewife flirting Arthur Sarnoff
Sexually charged 1950’s kitchen subcontractor work situation.
Magazine illustration art by Arthur Saron Sarnoff
illustration art magazine illustration william dolwick 1950's vintage ads
He’s wishing the alcohol loosens up some of her 1950’s-era inhibitions.
Vintage illustration art by William Dolwick
illustration art 1950's magazine illustration robert william meyers
Nowhere to sleep tonight, but won’t take the key to his apartment.
1950’s American magazine illustration by Robert William Meyers
american illustration george brehm 1940s fashion illustration art
Fashionable 1940’s lady harassed by a jerk.
American illustration art by George Brehm
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"The Other Woman"
Putting the make on a 1940’s debutante.
Liberty Magazine Illustration
illustration art robert lynn lambdin flapper girl
Looking to score a flapper at a 1920’s social gathering.
Illustration by Robert Lynn Lambdin
janet leigh pin-up 1940s vintage starlet warner kreuter
1940’s Janet Leigh Pin-Up - by Warner Kreuter
vintage ads budweiser ads Arthur Sarnoff illustration art
Centennial Vintage Budweiser Ad - by Arthur Sarnoff
pin-up calendar girl brown & bigelow ted withers pin-up girl
"Quick Delivery" - from the Brown & Bigelow sketch pad calender pin-up series by Ted Withers
pin-up vintage cheesecake leg art harry ekman
Pin-Up on Telephone - by Harry Ekman
illustration art magazine art floyd macmillan davis
"The Blue Vega" by Floyd MacMillan Davis
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Hollywood actress Hillary Brooke. This photo of those insanely sensual legs could have turbo-charged her career if only it was more widely circulated.
Nothing more sexy than to imagine that an otherwise wholesome looking, glossy Hollywood starlet from the Golden Age could be wielding such jaw-dropping gams.
This classic starlet pin-up should be more widely circulated than it has been. Here’s my contribution to the cause.
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Starlet Helena Antonaccio. Don’t know exactly what films she’s starred in, but I auditioned her for a guest spot on my nightly Masturbation Theatre. Overall, a five-tissue performance.
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Vintage Latina starlet - well-preserved and shrink-wrapped in polyester.
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Going postal over this mature postal worker’s ass. The stamp on her backside is legal…and tender.
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A smuggled photo of Monsanto’s latest bioengineering feat - a new species of female known as TorsoGirafficus, with nipples doubling as mini satellite receivers.
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Shark meat for those who love slender, horny-looking Russian women posing by rustic tables.
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Shark meat for tumblr pervs who like to imagine that the goofy-faced nerdy cashier girl at the local AMC might come accessorized with Playboy tits.
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Shark meat for tumblr pervs who dig droopy large-breasted Greek women overdue for their lip-waxing appointment.
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