My story, a true story.
Bella, a babygirl. Story of realization, actualization and acceptence.
I’ve been exposed to D/s & Masocism and I’ve played with my wonderful boyfriend on and off for over the 4 years we’ve been together. It had an immediate pull, entered my soul quickly but into my mind and acceptence quite slowly. I thought it was dirty and wrong, and I am just an innocent, moral little girl with naughty, dirty thoughts I can’t bear to admit. Being a pain slut was much easier to accept than being a sub, and I’ve been increasingly active in receiving pain over the past year. But something deep within kept tickling me, drawing me into submission, but I kept struggling with it, repeling against it - the approach, the verbiage, the coldness - the feeling was off. It never sat right with me. But something…. something was there.
All the signs and puzzle pieces were there scattered in my life, but randomly, recently, in one epiphany they all came together and a door was opened. It hit me like a ton of bricks. At first I was deathly scared. This is so terribly taboo, even more so than Master/slave/Top/bottom relationships. IMHO It’s the new normal to be handcuffed, whipped, bound, gagged, suspended, humiliated, slapped, collared, forced, leashed and generally be tortured and ordered to obey. But Daddy/little girl relationship? Holy fuck. “You’re an incestuous, sick, messed up girl with daddy issues,” I thought. But luckily I found Fetlife quite immediately in my panicked search for answers and found groups found people just like me. People who had insightful, inspiring, amazing things to say about our kink. I realized quickly, I am not alone and I shouldn’t be ashamed.
So many things are clearer about myself now. I’ve been so miserable, so confused, not knowing who I am, why certain things didn’t make sense but kept popping up over and over again. It’s been a dark, concealed, surpressed, unrealized part in my heart and soul for far too long now and I’m never, ever going back in the dark closet again. Babygirl sees life with so much wonder and light and openness and is so happy and positive. She should be accepted and integrated to form the complete person I’m meant to be and have been aching to be for years.
There was only one thing left to do. Confide in my boyfriend. I told him I had some big news about a recently realized kink, something that felt undeniably true in my heart, something that might change or end our relationship. We already had a well-established, albeit rocky relationship, and I thought that he would writhe with disgust at this new news I had for him and the request I would be placing on him.
I’m in another country for the summer, so we arranged a video chat. I show up on-screen, pigtails in my hair, sheepish and deathly nervous shy smile on my face. He’s looking so handsome… I’m barely able to hold back my tears…
"Awww, look at you! You’re so cute," he said.
"Hi…" my voice squeeked. I gave him a little wave, still smiling sheepishly.
"You said you had some big news about a kink you just discovered about yourself," he stated. "Does it have something to do with the pigtails?"
I looked down and I nodded. I could hardly breathe, let alone say anything. It was all going to hit the fan now. I felt so afraid, so vulnerable.
There was a short pause, but it seemed to last a lifetime.
"…Do you want to call me Daddy?" he asked with a gentle voice.
I scrunched up my face with shame. With my head still lowered, I nodded. I couldn’t look at him. I felt my throat constict. I couldn’t say anything even if I wanted to.
"Silly girl." He sighed. "I’d love to play with you. I’d love to be your Daddy."
Tears and sobs of relief and acceptance rolled over me and through me.
"But you have to say it properly, babygirl. And you need to raise your head up high and look at me," he said with such a gentle firmness I had never heard in his voice before. "Say, ‘Hello Daddy.’"
I looked up.
"Hello Daddy," I cooed.