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CUNT-LAPPER @cunt-lapper

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I'm male, 31, and I post lots of original gifs and occasionally a porn video compilation. I like girls, adore lesbians, love transsexuals, and like to keep it creative. I love hearing from followers. * * * If I have posted copyrighted material, let me know and I will remove it. NSFW Adults Only. If you are under 18, please leave. PLEASE CONSIDER SUPPORTING MY NON-PORN PUBLIC DOMAIN RECYCLED FOOTAGE VIDEO PROJECT 'SODOM!' ANY AMOUNT HELPS - CUNT-LAPPER (@cunt-lapper)
My new tits went over great at my blouse warming @cunt-lapper

My new tits went over great at my blouse-warming party, Mom. I brought you some pics if you want to check them out. Thanks again! Best birthday present ever.

Stacys moms out of town for the weekend well @cunt-lapper

Stacy’s Mom’s out of town for the weekend! 

We’ll have all weekend to start diggin through that stash of blu-rays of hers we found in her closet.

Her Mom does have a certain taste.

The next apple reveal is coming up and were about @cunt-lapper

The next Apple reveal is coming up and we’re about to debut our new line of companion androids… 

the iSuck&Fuck.

The vice presidents were going to draw straws to see who got to take home the four models for a group ‘field test’ but then it turned into a pissing contest when Jordan suggested the guy with the biggest dick should get the privilege of the weekend exploratory probe and stress tests. Nobody would have guessed Tim Renner was packing that much meat behind his thick glasses - pocket protector facade. But he was surely the most qualified to pilot the uncanny valleys of Brandi, Brenda, Bridget, and Britney.

Look at this lezspa brochure babe it says the @cunt-lapper

Look at this ‘Lez’Spa’ brochure babe. It says the spa’s live-in island massage staff has licked out so much pussy they’re all addicted…  addicted to pussy… gee, imagine that. Remind you of anyone? … And that their pussies secrete superhormones in their lubrication that will keep you coming back to the spa year after year…

Introducing fapquest directing you to your @cunt-lapper

Introducing ‘FapQuest’ - directing you to your nearest secret public fucking machine parlor.

I was taking a nice quiet bath and my roommate @cunt-lapper

I was taking a nice quiet bath and my roommate must have thought I wasn’t home because he came into the bathroom buck naked. He didn’t immediately turn back and the bath instantly got a little wetter as I was mesmerized by his swinging slab of sex sausage. He explained he needed to take a shower because he was going out to hit the bars. I told him to give me a second and I’d be right out, I just needed to get hosed down first.

“Did I say hosed down?! Did I really say that! I meant toweled off! Oh, lord.”

Sure babe i told him how does that song @cunt-lapper

“Sure, babe.” I told him. “How does that song go? 

It ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none?”

“Damn. I knew a classy looking white woman like you wouldn’t stop with just one brother lover.”

“You’ve got the biggest mother fucking cock I’ve ever had and you fuck me just how I like! How could I!” My tongue was firmly in cheek when he said…

“Biggest cock you’ve had so far. Babe, the boys are here.”

I swear its almost done im trying to finish it @cunt-lapper

I swear it’s almost done. I’m trying to finish it today.

I considered putting a warning label on it: ‘May Cause Lesser Mammals To Lose Their Minds’ but I’m just going to trust you to navigate the turbulent pervy waters.

You’re going to LOVE IT.

- Cunt-Lapper.Tumblr.Com


This should be a sculpture in like a clockwork @cunt-lapper

This should be a sculpture in like a Clockwork Orange style bar, if I was running the place.. Push the blonde’s head into her ass and the milk comes out her under the brunette’s dripping pussy. That’s art.

Smack those fucking balls a gainst my clit @cunt-lapper

“Smack Those.. Fucking… Balls a-… Gainst My… Clit… You Fuck-.. Ing Bitch…”

Theres a sucker born every minute pt @cunt-lapper

“There’s a sucker born every minute.”
- P.T. Barnum

I had to hang out at the strip club after school @cunt-lapper

I had to hang out at the strip club after school till Mom got off, so to pass the time I brought my sketch book.

“Where’s my asshole?” Mom asked me, grabbing the pad from me.

“It’s there. It’s implied, mostly. You have to be subtle with your shading if you want to be good.”

“Not in my line of work.”

If youre good at something never do it for @cunt-lapper

“If you’re good at something, never do it for free.”

- Some Psychotic Sociopath

My husband thought our daughter was stealing money @cunt-lapper

My husband thought our daughter was stealing money from our bedroom so he installed a hidden camera. Turns out it was our son stealing. Our daughter just liked to fuck her secret boyfriend in our bed.

Well mom picked me up from nature photography @cunt-lapper

Well, Mom picked me up from nature photography camp about a week ago and while we were putting stuff in the car and saying goodbye to my new friends I spilled a jar of developer fluid on her pants suit. The facilities were closed already for cleaning –very inconvenient– so Mom had to change into the work clothes she had with her, ducking into one of the blinds where we shot wildlife from. I guess some of the guys I had been hanging out with that week got a quick idea and a few of them went to spy on her, because I got this pic and some others with filthy captions in my email today. I guess I can’t blame them, they did get some wonderful nature shots.

My aunt and uncle sent over another crate of vhs @cunt-lapper

My Aunt and Uncle sent over another crate of VHS for me to transfer to DVD for them. Last time they made sure to ask “you don’t have to waste your time sitting through… er.. watching all of the tapes to do this?” and I said no, but I popped in a couple and found something I wasn’t intended to. Now I think we’re both looking for the same thing. They want me to transfer all their hundreds of old VHS so they can find their sex tapes that went missing in the pile, and I am in hot pursuit of the same. I don’t think they’ll see this, so here’s a taste of my pretty Aunt… a while back… sitting plop down on some bull’s huge black cock. My cock starts twitching when I think of the way she moans and does those short pants when she’s stretching herself over this mountain of man meat and I know I’m probably going to see her when I pass back their copied DVDs.

Dad stop going through my room dont i have any @cunt-lapper

“Dad! Stop going through my room! Don’t I have any privacy in this house!?”

Shit. He knows. He knows I found that picture of Mom and I’ve got it stashed.

I brought home a pretty blonde for us to play with @cunt-lapper

I brought home a pretty blonde for us to play with honey. She wants a couple to dominate her and she smells like strawberries.

My sister had her friend on vacation with us and @cunt-lapper

My sister had her ‘friend’ on vacation with us and I was stuck watching them from the pool while our parents were out. But she promised me her and little Miss ‘Smell My Fingers’ (currently rubbing it in… again) would make it worth my while to not tell our clueless parents she was a raging lesbo by giving me the double-blow two-girl titty fuck of my dreams.

Some kind public watchdog flagged my new comp on @cunt-lapper

Some kind public watchdog flagged my new comp on pornhub, probably because they saw a word they didn’t know and assumed I was the Anti-Christ. You know those conservatives love their porn just. so. I Can’t blame them, can you? Rather than trying to educate themselves (since there’s nothing against pornhub’s rules in the vid) they tried to fuck me right into detention. Hopefully the Pornhub folks arbitrate the situation and put the video back up.

I’ll post it on spankbang tonight too just in case.

I told my neighbor to hurry and suck my cock clean @cunt-lapper

I told my neighbor to hurry and suck my cock clean then after I finished fucking her in the ass because she said I took ‘too long’ in the shower and her husband was due home soon, and my wife would surely notice I’d been philandering with her ass jelly coating the length of my shaft. She liked it when I bossed her around, but she really didn’t think she would enjoy doing that… when she reluctantly agreed… And, well, as far as liking it… you learn something new every day!

Next moment of the new symphony coming aiming for @cunt-lapper

Next Moment of the new Symphony coming… aiming for release next Friday, September 25… Check Back and Stay Tuned.

“It is love that makes the body become phantasmagorical in close approach… not perception of the phantasmagorical that perpetuates the love of one’s desire for the other.

Without someone to love…

I am… (confession of an artist as a young vocality)

worthless.” - T.U.V.C.

Cunt lappertumblrcom 33366 followers our @cunt-lapper

Cunt-Lapper.Tumblr.Com - 33,366 Followers 

- Our Promise To You, Try To Keep Our Dirty Smut Tasteful

“The Internet Deserves A Better Class of Pornographer… And I’m Gonna Give It To Them…”

I need help practicing my gymnastics daddy im @cunt-lapper

I need help practicing my gymnastics, Daddy. I’m supposed to do these bending exercises every day for an hour but it’s boring and the teacher said to make a game out of it. If you plow my pussy with my legs up over head like this… but from the top.. back like this, and if I can get my head up to touch my nose to your asshole we’ll know it’s working. I’ll give you a nice kiss on the butt to let you know to keep doing what you’re doing.

Things a father cant understand the swarthy @cunt-lapper

Things a father can’t understand:

- The swarthy allure of a tan, dumb, beach bum local boy who gives “free surfing lessons” in exchange for the hope of a new notch on his dingy.

- Why his daughters laugh like morons whenever anyone speaks the word “time-share” and then explain “it’s an inside joke” but keep laughing every time

- How forceful the “Nooooo!” was when he says they weren’t going to renew the “time-share” next year, probably, and start to literally beg, even though they never wanted to go sight seeing but seemed to make every excuse to stay at the damn condo all vacation…

You came all over my face why didnt you cum in @cunt-lapper

You came all over my face! Why didn’t you cum in my mouth? I told you I wanted to drink it all. Now we have to play snowballs, ok. Go ahead, clean me up with your tongue. Use your mouth and kiss all that cum into your mouth and spit it into me with a kiss. Get licking boy.

I want to drink it all…

Your girlfriend told you she had to take a break @cunt-lapper

Your girlfriend told you she had to take a break, to think things over… and spent the summer with a couple of her “good friends” at one of their family’s houses. You’ve been missing her, but mostly you’ve been thinking about the self-printed postcard she sent you a couple weeks into her vacation…

Auntie had to give me a pussy whipping again as @cunt-lapper

Auntie had to give me a “pussy whipping” again. As punishment for “looking up her skirt” and “staring at her tits.” She said I must look her in the eyes and address her as M’am. A woman, she told me, is like the ocean. She is boundless, and only knows her limits by grinding against the shore. And if a man wants to make any impression on her he must be like the cliffs of insanity. Able to withstand the throbbing heartbeat of the surf pounding hard and harder against him and still remaining firm. Only by chasing each other to the sky while keeping their eyes locked on each other’s bodies… the earth itself… can they lose their minds and become newborn as a woman… and a man… born again, naked and covered in sweat and the nectar of the gods. Her lessons are so good, all I want to do most days is study under that woman and play PS3. All while my Uncle’s at work. He’s a real bummer. But that’s a story for another day.

Oh hey sweets youre home i couldnt get over @cunt-lapper

“Oh, hey sweets. You’re home. I couldn’t get over the way you said “make me a sandwich, woman,” in honest earnestness earlier in front of your friends cause you thought it’d be cool and I’d say, “oh, that’s ok” later when we were alone. Well, I’ve decided instead I would make you a sandwich. I just want to show you I don’t need to put up with your bullshit, especially when it’s just so funny to you being with somebody like me. Because I’m great! And my best friend knows it, and… Well, we went out and picked up a big dicked mother fucker who knew it too, because he agreed to be the meat in our sandwich! I know I’m paying for us to live here so I suppose it’s your choice whether you stay or walk out, but since I’ve decided I’m not going to be making any more sandwiches for you… this will be for the sake of the sandwich mostly. So I guess we’ll just be here… making this sandwich… till this grade A white bread is good and soggy. O

This guy picked me up at comic con he dressed up @cunt-lapper

This guy picked me up at Comic Con. He dressed up in a monkey suit and sprayed cum on me while I quoted Planet of the Apes. Easiest 3,000 dollars I ever made. I feel sorry for the girls who go to comic con that aren’t soliciting. 

It’s a madhouse! A madhouse!

Well i think ive finished my newest porn @cunt-lapper

Well, I think I’ve finished my newest porn compilation. It’s about an hour long. It’s rendering now and it says it’s going to be 4 gigs (1080p). I don’t even know if that will upload on pornhub. I might have to break it up into two pieces. Or try to upload it on spankbang. It’s kind of crazy. I hope to get it online soon for you to see.

In the meantime check out my previous ‘Symphonies in the Key of XXX’. I need a nap.

Son i keep hearing you tossing and turning in @cunt-lapper

Son I keep hearing you tossing and turning in here… and moaning… and I myself was having a bad dream… You were in the dream as a matter of fact, and we did something bad. Can I tell you about it? Good.

Well, for starters, You were there, and I was there, and the girls were there…

Mom got me a subscription for my 18th birthday @cunt-lapper

Mom got me a subscription for my 18th birthday.

Um guys my dad just joined facebook what does @cunt-lapper

Um, guys…? My Dad just joined facebook. What does this mean I can delete things from my timeline but they “might still show up in other places?” Help?

We stayed in a hotel overnight when i drove my @cunt-lapper

We stayed in a hotel overnight when I drove my sister back to college. She ordered a movie and made me watch it with her. I really don’t think she likes that Mom and Dad make her go to an all girls school.

Ill never forget the first time i got that @cunt-lapper

I’ll never forget the first time I got that reaction from a woman. I was a sheltered nerd away at camp for the first time and the lake swim coach laughed at what she thought was an absurd bulge in my swim trunks.

“Pfftt…” She spouted off in disbelief. “What have you stuffed down your shorts young man?”

“What? Nothing?” I answered, “What do you mean?”

This clearly got her agitated enough to expose me right there to pull out the waist band to remove the bundle of socks or whatever she thought I was hiding. And that’s what I’ll never forget, the look on her face when she was so surprised she immediately covered me but couldn’t help cupping as much of my crotch as she could heft in one hand and pressing herself against me, laughing again but differently this time, before she patted my ass and told me to get in the water.

“I’ll deal with you later.”

When you tell you buddys step mom you just @cunt-lapper

When you tell you buddy’s step-mom you just finished massage school.

“Hey Mike! Got your number from my son’s phone! Just wanted to say congrats on your graduation! Text me if you ever need some extra practice! Client privilege - I won’t tell Davey if you won’t!”

Boys what are you watching some old lesbian @cunt-lapper

“Boys, what are you watching!?”

“Some old Lesbian porn VHS.”

“You need your heads cleaned?”