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GHETTODEX @ghettodex

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This is why you don't buy Orre-made knockoff pokedexes from shady back alley dealers. Written by Gabe, Drawn by Plus5Pencil WARNING: May contain lead - GHETTODEX (@ghettodex)
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197 umbreon when theyre excited their rings @ghettodex

197: UMBREON

When they’re excited their rings start to glow and they get mysterious power. On top of that, they have poisonous sweat. Gross.

(Plus5Pencil: I’m still out of commission, so Gabe took up the mantle of Ghettodex illustrator for today. He’s fanboying about Chuggaconroy’s next Let’s Play being Pokemon Colosseum)

501 oshawott the scallop on oshawotts stomach @ghettodex

501: OSHAWOTT

The scallop on oshawott’s stomach is made from the same stuff as its claws. Wait, what? How does that work?

(Note from Plus5Pencil: My hands are busted again, so Imma be good and not draw until they heal. Hopefully I can get back to work soon. Bye!)

303 mawile the jaws on their heads are actually @ghettodex

303: MAWILE

The jaws on their heads are actually horns. Don’t ask me why they look like a mouth, I really don’t know.

395 empoleon the one with the biggest horns @ghettodex

395: EMPOLEON

The one with the biggest horns rules the group. I guess you could say *JOKE REMOVED FOR BEING TOO AWFUL*

156 quilava gives show your ass a whole new @ghettodex

156: QUILAVA

Gives show your ass a whole new meaning. With burns, oh the burns. 

104 cubone cubone is kinda like batman only @ghettodex

104: CUBONE

Cubone is kinda like Batman, only cubone took his mom’s skull and-wait a tick, I just got one from breeding a male marowak with a ditto. WHAT HAPPENED?

384 rayquaza this giant dude can block out the @ghettodex

384: RAYQUAZA

This giant dude can block out the fucking sun! For the love of god don’t piss it off unless you have a team of ouendan on standby.

(A little something to soothe the wounds of the Gen 3 fans who didn’t get the rerelease they were hoping for yesterday.)

035 clefairy cute as they are these guys are @ghettodex

035: CLEFAIRY

Cute as they are, these guys are loud-mouthed assholes. Fucking selfish to boot. 

(We’ll go back to drooling over the Gen 6 teaser now. )

302 sableye because of all the gems they eat @ghettodex

302: SABLEYE

Because of all the gems they eat, they now have gem bits growing from their bodies - HOLY SHIT THAT’S TERRIFYING

232 donphan if you start seeing pink ones its @ghettodex

232: DONPHAN

If you start seeing pink ones, it’s time to stop drinking. 

160 feraligatr sweet arceus hes got archer and @ghettodex

160: FERALIGATR

SWEET ARCEUS HE’S GOT ARCHER AND HE’S GONNA DO A DEATH ROLL!

635 hydreigon so if i stick three deinos @ghettodex

635: HYDREIGON

So if I stick three deinos together, do I get one of these?

086 seel seels need some damn sensitivity @ghettodex

086: SEEL

Seels need some damn sensitivity training. These guys are pricks!

206 dunsparce these little boozers are awesome @ghettodex

206: DUNSPARCE

These little boozers are awesome drinking buddies. Just don’t scare them or they’ll burry themselves underground.  

441 chatot chatot can bust some mean rhymes @ghettodex

441: CHATOT

Chatot can bust some mean rhymes. 

(For New Years we decided to do a little switcheroo. Gabe did the art, despite having no idea how Photoshop works, and Five was permitted to write the entry. Five is normally banned from writing the jokes because of what happened last time she did that.

Happy holidays, stay safe, and remember, the cops can’t legally make you take a sobriety test.)

225 delibird these birds like to give presents @ghettodex

225: DELIBIRD

These birds like to give presents to good little boys and girls. As for the naughty ones…

Plus5pencil is still preoccupied with festivities @ghettodex

Plus5Pencil is still preoccupied with festivities, but had enough time to collab with Gabe. Happy Winter Whatever, everybody!

Please remember, Winter is NOT stantler hunting season. Think of the children.

553 krookodile ever since i got one i always @ghettodex

553: KROOKODILE

Ever since I got one I always feel like somebody’s watching me, and I got no privacy. 

628 braviary these birds evolved when given @ghettodex

628: BRAVIARY

These birds evolved when given super serum, are abnormally afraid of ice types, and have an affinity for shields. 

486 regigigas of course this pokemon takes a few @ghettodex

486: REGIGIGAS

Of course this pokemon takes a few turns to get going. You just woke him up and expect him to be up and ready to go?

227 skarmory this bastard can fly up to 300 @ghettodex

227: SKARMORY

This bastard can fly up to 300 km/h. They normally take off right before a trainer would find them, and give a distinctive “trololo” call. 

172 pichu these little mice keep shocking @ghettodex

172: PICHU

These little mice keep shocking themselves when they attack, get them a shock absorbing diaper or something.

498 tepig these are the most popular starters in @ghettodex

498: TEPIG

These are the most popular starters in Unova. Mostly because they cook themselves when they attack, AND they go great with everything. 

(Sorry the update is so late, and if you were wondering, Tumblr’s downtime had nothing to do with us.

Trust us.)

306 aggron if you say anything about this @ghettodex

306: AGGRON

If you say anything about this pokemon being made of rice and blood he’ll fucking kill you. Kaiju movies are fuckin weird. 

355 duskull duskull wanders around lost in the @ghettodex

355: DUSKULL

Duskull wanders around lost in the night. Normally they get caught when asking trainers where the local diner is. 

250 ho oh ho oh is a renown pokemon among the @ghettodex

250: HO-OH

Ho-oh is a renown pokemon among the homosexual population, and a top-notch faghag. 

(Disclaimer: Gabe is a big homo. Please don’t yell at us ;^;)

330 flygon dont take these poor bros into cold @ghettodex

330: FLYGON

Don’t take these poor bros into cold weather. Really that’s just a dick move man, dick move. 

566 archen these pokemon have such low @ghettodex

566: ARCHEN 

These pokemon have such low self-esteem, when you hurt them they don’t even wanna fight anymore :c

539 sawk tying their belts gets them ready to @ghettodex

539: SAWK

Tying their belts gets them ready to kick some serious ass, kinda like in a kung fu movie after a guy puts on his headband. 

605 elgyem suck it fermi gabe 5 said i was @ghettodex

605: ELGYEM

SUCK IT, FERMI!

(Gabe: 5 said I was allowed to nerd out for one entry, this is the result.)

144 articuno articuno often look for travelers @ghettodex

144: ARTICUNO

Articuno often look for travelers trapped in snow storms, and laugh at their misery. 

475 gallade this guy uses his elbows like @ghettodex

475: GALLADE

This guy uses his elbows like swords, so be careful if one decides to hug you. 

609 chandelure this pokemons fire is fueled by @ghettodex

609: CHANDELURE

This pokemon’s fire is fueled by the spirits of its victims. Well, at least it’s kinda going green. 

568 trubbish these pokemon walk around and pick @ghettodex

568: TRUBBISH

These pokemon walk around and pick up trash. Isn’t that nice of them?

356 dusclops the inside of this pokemons body @ghettodex

356: DUSCLOPS

The inside of this pokemon’s body is completely hollow, kind of like the empty space where your mother’s self-respect used to be before you were born. BURN. 

571 zoroark see lucario disclaimer we here @ghettodex

571: ZOROARK

See: Lucario

(Disclaimer: We here at the Ghettodex does not endorse pokephillia or pokemon pornography.)

(Disclaimer: 5 is a pansy, Gabe totally endorses it.)

124 jynx it has titties i have nothing else to @ghettodex

124: JYNX

IT HAS TITTIES, I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY!

(Warning: Never do a hit off a vanilluxe’s straw. You’ll get lung frostbite and die.)

448 lucario look at this sexy beast there is @ghettodex

448: LUCARIO

Look at this sexy beast! There is nothing about this pokemon that is anything but pure, fur covered sex appeal!

592 frillish kinda like tentacool only instead @ghettodex

592: FRILLISH
Kinda like tentacool, only instead of being irritating, they fucking murder you.  

(Plus5Pencil: I know I already made this joke with Touhou, please forgive me. I couldn’t help myself.)

064 kadabra these pokemon are known as cereal @ghettodex

064: KADABRA

These pokemon are known as cereal killers…GET IT? GET IT? Please laugh, oh god…

015 beedrill oh god not the bees why am i in the @ghettodex

015: BEEDRILL

OH GOD NOT THE BEES WHY AM I IN THE FOREST HALP

146 moltres the flaming pokemon moltres is @ghettodex

146: MOLTRES

The flaming pokemon. Moltres is fabulous, he bedazzles everyone he sees with his stunning wings. 

(Disclaimer: Please don’t yell at us, Gabe is a massive homo.)

043 oddish these guys come out only at night @ghettodex

043: ODDISH
These guys come out only at night. Most often they are seen at night clubs and raves.  

178 xatu xatu are able to see into the future @ghettodex

178: XATU

Xatu are able to see into the future, but the little bastards still won’t tell me next week’s lotto numbers!

(Plus5Pencil: We’re back, baby! Doctor gave me the all clear to go back to drawing, but Gabe says I can only make one Ghettodex entry a day or he’ll beat me for overworking myself.)

570 zorua these little guys are known for @ghettodex

570: ZORUA

These little guys are known for transforming to stay hidden. They are most commonly owned by very lonely people. 

(Note from Plus5Pencil: I managed to overwork both my arms to the point of constant pain. Gabe said if I drew any more Ghettodex entries with an injured hand he’d cut me, so there won’t be any updates for a couple days AND we gotta put the big upcoming project on hold. It’s about 70% done though, so I hope to finish it as soon as my arms are better.)

567 archeops these pokemon fly by running really @ghettodex

567: ARCHEOPS

These pokemon fly by running really fast and trying to get lift. Their enemies are rocks, trees, and water. 

038 ninetales the milf pokemon most often seen @ghettodex

038: NINETALES

The MILF pokemon, most often seen trying to get into their children’s friends’ pants.

596 galvantula how could something as cute as @ghettodex

596: GALVANTULA

HOW COULD SOMETHING AS CUTE AS JOLTIK TURN INTO THIS? ITS’S LIKE A DOG AND A SPIDER GOT DRUNK TOGETHER AND HAD A WEIRD BABY!

233 porygon2 an upgrade to porygon smaller @ghettodex

233: PORYGON2

An upgrade to porygon. Smaller, slimmer, and overheats 15x easier! Hope you got a warranty. 

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